It's dry again

It's Buddhist holiday today. So, the country is dry.

Very dry. Even the pubs that used to serve alcohol on Buddhist holidays last year don't do it this year. Oh God...

Oh.. shouldn't be a big deal. A few days ago, I said to my friends that I would stay off the booze for a week to prove that I ain't an alkie - while they are.

Then, I had a few pints last night.

So, start over again.

I have been depressed the past several days. Now I'm back to the Cry Everyday stage. It sucks.

I met Rose, a few other friends, and Andrew & his date in the pub last night. Andrew has been very supportive and caring. He said nice things about me. Gave me some certain compliment that I took years to earn it. That's huge, coming from a conservative Englishman like him. He makes me feel good about myself.

Not only him though. Another great friend of mine, Ian, has been extremely supportive as well. Even though he is not in Thailand at the moment, but we keep in touch all the time. We chat nearly everyday. I still can't imagine how I would handle the whole thing without him.

You see..... even friends keep in touch when they are apart. You would think engaged couple would have done the same, if not more. I mean, more like everyday!

There were definitely signs that things were not exactly the same as I thought they were after he got back in Ireland. And I ignored them all believing in everything I had been told. I really did believe it was real. That he would be back round May or June with a ring.. and necessary documents so we could get married. I overlooked all the signs. Now I have to pay for it.

Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)

I don’t want to die,

I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all